STATEMENT OF ACCOUNTS

To,
Mr. (P)Ricky Ponting,
Captain, Australian Cricket Team

Sub : Settlement Of Accounts For the period 27th February 1996 – 24th March 2011

Dear Mr. Ponting,
My name is Varun Ram Iyer and I am an Indian supporter (Roll number (infinity+1)). In recognition of your unceremonious, deserved, and thoroughly entertaining exit from OUR World Cup last night, I am herewith sending you a statement of the accounts that we have hereby settled for the aforementioned period. Kindly peruse them with great care and take note of the same.

(List is indicative, not exhaustive)
1. 9 runs stolen from Mr. S.R. Tendulkar at Wankhede, Bombay (World Cup 1996), dated 27th February 1996
2. 35,000 broken hearts of supporters in the stadium (after discounting the un-countables watching on Doordarshan)
3. Mr. S. R. Tendulkar shoulder-before-wicket McGrath 0 , Adelaide 1999 : Debit  to Harper, McGrath & Co., sister    concern of your abominable establishment
4. India 205 all out, Kennington Oval, England, Super Six, Kennington Oval, London  (World Cup 1999)
5. Tears of Indian fans aged 14 on that day, valued at INR (GDP of Australia*TEN)
6. 140 runs scored by you against Sourav & Bros. dated 23 March 2003, compounding interest and agony at 8.33%
7. Claim of Loss of Marks re : Std. XII Board Exams, subject of Physics (Paper I & II) in lieu of 6.
8. Two and a half days of quarrel with Mrs. Srilatha Ramachandran in lie of 6.
9. 257 unfairly scored runs, Adelaide, 29 December 2003 (Credit:A Agarkar, trapping your pompous prickly self plumb in front )
10.  Boorish behaviour, spitting on gound (cognizable offence as per Environment Protection from Animals Act 1862), Cheating, Wrongly claimed catches, finger wagging at umpire, disrespect to S. R. Tendulkar (wheelchair in 2015 WC quote), Various

We declare all accounts hereby closed and sealed. We also note, that while you were reluctant to walk, it is hereby observed that you were stood up and booted emphatically out of the World Cup by messrs. Y Singh, S Raina, G Gambhir under the tutelage of Shri. S. R. Tendulkar.

We would once again like to place on record our undying hatred for you and your ilk for having (dis)graced the game with its presence. It will be written therefore in the annals of cricket that thou hast been an unworthy successor to the heritage of Sir. Donald and the great mean that have walked wearing the proud baggy green. Your presence has revolted us, your actions have shamed us and we state with great glee that we are happy to not see your cunty face anymore.

While it is also noted that you have three World Cup Winner’s medals shoved up your arse, we would herewith advise that you keep them dare. Your lawyers have also brought to our notice your so many centuries and match winning innings and suggested that you were up there with messrs B C Lara & S R Tendulkar. May we state to you, your legal counsel and whosoever the fuck is listening that while you may outnumber them in medals and victories, you shall never be able to hold a candle to either, either in class, or grace, or manner or love. 

May we conclude by wishing that such an abomination of human shite never sets foot on a cricket field again.

Utter disregard and a bowlful of spittle aimed right at your face,
An Indian Fan

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One Response to “STATEMENT OF ACCOUNTS”

  1. eben April 4, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

    hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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