Tag Archives: Humor

office office

25 Oct

Lots of people wonder about my work profile. some loved ones are worried. some jealous. so to confuse them further and entertain others in the bargain, i pen this post. I am employed in a very strange inspiring workplace which is led by a Jayesh Daulatjada aka JD aka Jade(to me).

This boss of mine, dear Jade, hides his enlightened status in his pocket. but he lets go of it daily for a few minutes when he sees anything faintly sweet. gujju che bhai. his springy yet dainty walk, his joyous demenour, his all inclusive nature, only goes on to prove his amazingness, layer upon layer. he was pre-trained by guruji to lead a bunch of zoo elements belonging to the WAYE office. As part of the rigorous training, guruji had him teach in many prisons of india, and Jade can therefore now brush off the utter madness that goes on in WAYE with such elan… as if he is an ice cream. His ways yield max. productivity with min. bitterness and no rules. i know u are now itching to apply.

Be forewarned of the pack of monkeys that rule WAYE within and without. prashant the happy money, eby the mad monkey, gauri(male) the naughty monkey and abhi the monkey monkey. they are the lil guruji’s who by being themselves, destroy any ounce of sadness that might prevail in the hearts of the co-zoo members. the feline creatures are led by rupal and ruchi, who elegantly paw in and out of the office at obscene hours. though they are tigers in their own right, RnR work like donkeys’ to make WAYE’s work more gratifying to our sense of sight. then there is rajiv, the eagle, who has a bike for wings, and has got a vigilant bird’s eye view of the entire ashram upto banshankari. kamaakshi is a pair of conjoint siamese twin baby elephants. desperately happy n cuddley. well, u know, she’s on the chubby side. gauri(female) is the ring master..cos when Jade takes a chill pill, which is more or less always, gauri mothers the lot. super lovingly and strictly albeit.

Tanu- the giraffe that chants, vibhavari- the hearteningly hardworking beaver, shru- the thick skinned rhino with a CA degree, chirag- the bull on the brink of enlightenment, krutika n chaaru- the peaceful pretty parakeets, maketh the rest of our zoo. (if i missed out on any names, u can mentally assume/take shape of the animal u want to be, jgd). well, i am more of dead skin/fallen feathers/tree in this zoo setup. i say this with half the intended embaressment becos i share this post with a dear co-employee. she’s the gorgeous peacock that cruises in and out of the zoo and only dances in the rain, thus rarely. srividya. thanks, u suddenly mean much more to me.;)

For those who dint get my twisted sense of pedestrian humor, i simply meant that i am not an integral part of the zoo cos my work revolves around “not doing any work”;). but this is my blog, so what the hell!! i am going to include myself dammit. i am the rare kuala bear. remember the bear that sleeps 20 hrs a day and goes into hibernation for most of the year? yes thats me, cos w.r.t WAYE office i come alive only twice a year; summer (magic) and winter (break). so waiting to awaken myself with you this winter break! until then, yawn;)

P.S. Next time when u visit ashram and bump into the zoo creatures, do take a moment to applaud their full time commitment to this NGO zoo…..and in here, feeding the animals is permitted.;)

my most expensive pee and such like pandemonium

29 May

i have more than one reason for using the word ‘pandemonium’ as part of the post heading. let me elaborate.

firstly, it reminds me of my school principal, mrs.rao, who, 7am every weekday of 4yrs, barked, “why is lilavati always in such a state of chaos and pandemonium?”  in the public address system. (u shud know woman~!) ofcourse, the prayer and jana gana mana followed. so u see, the word carries nostalgic essence.

secondly, this post is a prelude to my euro trip posts. i am on a euro trip by the way. well it’s almost like a Thomas Cook-Concentration-Camp-Special(TCCCS). So with 30 odd oddly excited adults from around india (this “around” word here is inconceivably noteworthy. here’s why. every mumbaite is of the illusion that mumbaites=indians. ofcourse some flexi ones wud include delhites. big-time galat jawaab honey! big time!). ya so, these 30 adults came with their 15 kids. kids who must be mercilessly slaughtered for their decibel levels. pandemonium ensued.

thirdly, i wud like to mention here, of a must read rib tickling novel “the picnic and such like pandemonium” by a gerald durell. the book is about a bunch of utterly mad times the writer was exposed to while travelling in europe. boy oh boy! i excercised all my stomach muscles after those crazy indian lunches in restuarants mayur/rangoli/sangam in the heart of amsterdam/rome/switzerland respectively. TCCCS. my bad.

right. so having explained in unecessary detail abt the holy presence of the last word of my post’s heading; let me shift left ward.
my most expensive pee.
I bought a 50 cent ticket to take a god damn leak!  50cents i.e. 1/2euro i.e. 30bucks.
30bucks= 3 minute maids= 6 vada pavs= 30 pan pasands! all this flushed down the drain with some warm uric acid!


i still hv that ticket. its not any ticket. u gotto scan to enter and scan to leave!
also it has the date n time of my leak etched in history!!
for your reference- 22.05.10, 16.53! wow!
and on the otherside is a coffee ad! wow wow wow!

5.45am wake up call;
7am in the bus with ur luggage and passports in hand;
cross only when the sign is green and on the zebra crossing;
pls use the toilets before boarding. in italy there r 2 pots. one to do the deed, another to wash up. don’t switch the pots.
in europe they are very strict about all this, unlike INDIA. (yes sir. back home, we shit in the hall!)
by the way, the above was the elocution speech of our ‘guide’, which he recited everyday of his international career.
get a life desh drohi! simon, go back- TO YOU~!!

on this irked note, i summon u to study the map of europe cos the next post is going to take u through the gorgeous places i managed to devour between my expensive leaks and such like pandemonium.

my fattee buddies-Part 3

22 Apr

how drastically we change. its strange for me to even look at my school pics. ‘Embaressed’ isn’t word enough to describe the feeling.

my school pals would nod in agreement if u asked them if nerd and priya were synonyms. Man, i was so utterly out there to impress the whole darn world during my ICSE school days. specially cos i was in a very very simple innocent set up before that where the worst abuse i knew was ‘stupid’. i failed over n over in showcasing my non-existant coolness. and this coolness wanted to widen its spectrum by the time i entered college!(pls tell me u were like this too?pls pls)

i was skillfully talked into joining a mega dravidian( read south-indian, drowned in the aroma of sambar and coconut chutney) institute which provided a platform for more showoffing as i was from an ICSE background. yeah, CBSE walas are lesser mortals and SSC janta come just about close to qualifying as amphibians. come on, we read shakespeare dude!

this is the background u need to know to appreciate wat i really want to share. which begins from here;

in college, for the 1st time ever, i met a bunch of these well mannered, eloquent, intellectually funny, checked-shirted/salwaar-kameezed, girls-mustn’t-abuse type dravidian amphibians. some 10-15 of them who i totally fell in love with.

they were my earthing wires. i say so cos thanks to them i started respecting my language and hence mad tamil music, beautiful prayers n rituals we did at home, parachute oil, bindi and so on. these 15 odd earthings, all in and around being tambrams ( i hear people screaming racist racist racist in the background;););)) , were  really really so adorable and innocent. some still are.

all of us went on to doom ourselves in the unforgiving whirlpool of suffering and torture worse than the horcrux curse i.e. Engineering.

point being, every sem end, after successfully screwing up in our respective exams, we would go for a pilgrimage/picnic to Titwala(house of our very own super powerful ganpathi).

Well, there were a lot of do’s as part of this excursion for good marks. Namely;

u gotto feed the temple dog

u gotto check out the tortoise in the temple well

u gotto wait for a train to pass by when ur doing the pradakshina

u gotto eat misal pav in a shabby lil’ restaurant just outside the temple

u gotto walk back to the railway station from the temple (hell why?????)

thats a fun list of ‘u gotto’s’ to bribe god for a 1st class no?

an atheist wud simply say, ‘go study man!’….well what a boring life they lead! tsk tsk..

must say all this worked though, cos if i cud get a 1st class in each of the 8 semesters with no KT’s; god exists. he soooooo does!

see this comes from a person who detests engineering more than the taste of fungus infected, maggot filled brownies.

for proof i recommend my older post, to read which, u can click here.

culturally sound,

as much showoffy,

priya mani

HAHA!

27 Jan

John’s Mum and Dad were fighting;

Dad: “TU SAALI KUTTI”

Mum: “TU SAALE KUTTE”

John: “Mein saala puppy!”

shopping for the winter break upgrade and the guru story there after…

9 Jan

Now for those who dint attend winter break 2009-10, SHAME ON U!! and for those who did,,, ur gonna laugh mad when u read this! on second thoughts, even those who bunked will laugh mad!

So ya, jeetu and i went to buy a longgg list of things that were required for the half day 7-level challenge (upgrade-2). So we went to a whole sale market in jayanagar and the bargaining began. first 5 shops we rattled this, “Saar, enna saar, we from art of living ashramaa saar, pls discount maadi, plis saar” and well, we succeeded in most shops. So shop after shop we wud start of this tape recorder of ours nearly begging for discount. Now for those who participated know that we needed to buy lot of red underwear for one of the tasks. Hehe, so we went to this lingerie shop and began our tape.. saar, plis discount maadi,,, art of….STOP. STOP GIRL! thankfully,i held my tongue. hahaahha. i then made up on the spot that the red under wear was for some christmas party game. hahaha.. just imagine wat he wud think if he knew the art of living ashram required 30 red underwear for an event. hahaha!! the shameless fellow was so curious when i said its a chirtmas party game and asked me where the party was… ofcourse i had to lie all over again,,, with supreme confidence i said, “jayanagar, jayanagar saar”! good lord, who said seva is not fun!

Well as much tiring/challenging it was to organise the 7-level challenge, in hindsight, it was doubly fruitful. Any guesses why?
YESSS, i got praised in front of guruji in ganga kutir (abode of the divine it is)!! cant get any cooler me thinks.

…the guru story follows…. so this meeting with guruji happened on 3rd jan 2010…and on 1st jan i wore the silver sri sri coin that my parents had got. lemme rewind a little bit at this point. my parents, lucky ones, have gotten atleast 6-7 such coins that are safely kept in the cupboard. i have worn n lost 3 such coins including the one i wore on 1st jan. so that day, it pinched me bigtime, especially it being day 1 of new yr.* tear*

so i mentally decided i am not gona wear another one until i get it from guruji himself. and lo behold,, guruji gave me coin after the appreciation on 3rd jan itself!!! SUPER DUPER COOL NO??!i wud rate this among my top 3 personal life guru stories. wat say? hes faster than Blue dart courier service man!!! no sincere prayer/hard work goes unnoticed.
all my jealously for those chilling in ganga kutir turned into admiration. some buckets of sweat has gone behind sitting in ac wit sri sri;)

pants and phones

22 Jun

i wonder why crazy things happen with me only! for a while, nuthing mad had happened so i was expecting something soon. and it dint dissappoint me this time too!
flashback- i am an engineer (well thats wat my grad cert. says). engineering has 8 semesters for those who made more intelligent choices to do a bachelors in. haan so point being, each sem i lost a cell phone. it was like meant to happen. come wat may, in random ways, i wud lose my cell phone. once i was wearing a baggy pant wit pockets which had holes. people who know me wont be surprised that i own such clothing.others will simply hv to hv faith! so my cell fell from within that pocket and i dint even realise it. another time my whole freakking bag got stolen from my examination hall where we keep the bags away during the paper! i really thot someone was just pulling a fast one on me. but well there were professional thieves apparently loitering on my college corridor! and i can go on n on abt how i lost the other 6 fones. but but but, wat happend few days ago tops the damn list!
this one’s humourourly embaressingly gross. all these adjectives still fail to describe wat happened! so read at ur own risk.
i wanted to pee real bad on the way back to ashram. i mean it when i say real bad. so i stopped by at a petrol pump to let go. it was an indian toilet. we all know how aromatic public toilets can be. well my cell was in my tight jean pocket and i had a huge bag on me. so while i was doing the deed, the fone popped out of my pocket n went into the black hole! thats it! GONE! frankly i was actually considering putting my hand in more than once and recovering my coveted device that connects me to all those i love n hate. i dint do it becos of the fear of getting leprosy or something more ghastly! euiwwwwww. but i said om namah shivaya restlessly hoping i cud gather guts to jut my hand in. but no! even ONS dint work this time around. so my 9th perished in bangalore’s sewage canal.
but when ur in the ashram, wit a fantastic guru, who is super cool/stylish/profound/dayaloo, u get back more than wat u lose! so now i hv twins! 2 fones! ofcourse rich and dayaloo folks also play a big part! *twinkle* am i blessed or what!! *twinkle*

silly ad no.1

11 Apr

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